The first refrigerator that I remember was kerosene powered. As a child it fascinated me that a device for making things cool (a fridge) could be powered by a burning flame that was extremely hot.
No one could explain it to me. My uncle spouted a lot of technical twaddle about refrigerant fluid boiling and condensing and absorbing and losing heat . However the basic contradiction remained that burning something resulted in cooling other things inside the fridge. Preposterous.
Nevertheless things did cool down inside the fridge while the kerosene flame burnt under the fridge.
The smell of the kerosene in the kitchen just about drove us out of the house. We remedied that in the winter by lighting a wood fire in the fireplace. The kero stench was totally overcome by the smell of wood smoke drifting around the living room.
However a local tragedy caused us to radically reassess our kero cooler.
Richard and Rhonda were our neighbours further down the river. They loved to fish. They too had a kero burning fridge. They used the fridge for storing their fresh fish.
One day, while they are out fishing on the river in the rowboat, the inevitable happened.
Penguins.
A worn rubber seal around the fridge door caused the fish to warm up and fish fumes to fill the house. A window had been left open so the fish aroma filtered into the great outdoors.
Local fairy penguins, attracted by the smell, waddled out of the river (actually it was a saltwater estuary near the sea) through the front garden and into the house via the cat flap. The cat was also out fishing. The smell of fresh fish sent the penguins into a fishy feeding frenzy. They forced the door open and piled into the fridge. They squabbled and gobbled as penguins always do when they get into a fridge. This fridge was not designed for a penguin assault, even by cute little fairy penguins. It crashed to the floor and upset the kerosene burner which spilt burning kero all over the kitchen. The pyromaniac penguins hastily departed. After a few moments the fish fumes caused the kitchen to explode.
Soon Richard and Rhonda’s house was a burning wreck. They saw the smoke from out on the river. Despite their frantic rowing and the cat’s frantic mewing they couldn’t get there in time to save even a fishtail. They lost everything.
After hearing of this tragedy we put up penguin proof fences around the house and got rid of our naked flame fridge. During this period of our family life our diet changed. We switched to tinned sausages and vegetables, processed cheese that never needed refrigeration, powdered milk, surprising dehydrated peas and Dab powdered mashed potato with onion flavouring. We developed dietary distress and high blood pressure. We were desperate for a fridge alternative. The house was too remote to be connected to the main power line so my father set up a generator, battery bank and inverter to provide power. We acquired a second hand electric fridge which cooled the food when the generator was working or when the battery bank was charged. There wasn’t enough power for everything so we often had to choose between being able to run the lights or the refrigerator. We always cooked the meat until it was super well done, just in case of salmonella. It was a bit like a food poisoning lottery when we ate meat. I am still suspicious of meat with any sign of pink inside it.
The share house period of my life gave me a wider and wilder experience of refrigerators.
Housemate Kevin Eleven had a weird name and weird obsessions. He believed that things were not safe and secure unless they were stored in the fridge. For him a refrigerator was like a domestic bank vault. He also needed to store years of supplies in order to feel well prepared for World War 3. Breakfast cereal, his electric shaver, biscuits, a spare phone charger, detergent bottles and tins of paint – he’d sneak them all into the fridge to keep them safe and sound. I can assure you that packets of biscuits do not age well after a year or so in a fridge.
Barney O’Barma was another house sharer with an extreme fridge philosophy. He had a blind faith in the power of the fridge to preserve food indefinitely. His ancient leftover stews grew hideously mottled penicillin mould, lettuces turned slimy and brown, bacon started to go green, meat went deathly grey. Worst of all were the cucumbers lost at the bottom of the vegetable drawer. Their flesh became brown and soggy and the rotting smell was indescribable. The stench drove the cat out of the house and attracted a swarm of blowflies that hung around the back door like a locust plague. When Barney finally moved out he said he was going to put his furniture into a storage unit while he went on an overseas holiday. We wanted him to have something to remember us by so we put all his fermenting fridge food into a cardboard box and slipped it into his wardrobe, before it was carted off to the storage place.
Personally, I think that refrigerators are underutilized. I recently heard that fridges can be used for cleaning your jeans. That’s right, just slip the precious fashion item into a sealed plastic bag and keep it in the fridge for a week or so. The low temperature will kill the bacteria and deodorise the denim. Clean the old fish out of the bottom drawer before you try that one, and always watch out for penguins.
-Geoff M
