“There there” said the doting mother to her six year old son who had fallen over and cracked the screen of his phone for the third time in four weeks.
“What’s the lesson we’ve learnt this month from all this phone smashing dear?“
“Al-ways buy – a pop-ular phone – with easy to get – re-place-ment screens“ he recited.
“What else?“ asked Mum with a smile.
“Make sure – they’re user repair-a-bubble“ he said.
“Repair-able I think you mean, dearest. Now put the broken phone over there and we’ll fix it together later on.”
“No not there, put it over there Sebastian.“
“Where mum? There? Or do you mean there?” said the boy, genuinely confused.
“Their place” said his mother, with gravity, “is there on the side table. But don’t fret, they’re easy to fix.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“There! there!” shouted the Alaskan tour guide to his wildlife tour party, as he wildly pointed into the far distance.
“You don’t mean they’re Thair bears do you?” said one well padded Australian male, who with his thick head of brown hair and close cropped beard and brown polar fleece jacket looked very bearish himself.
“Yes” replied the Alaskan. “They’re a family of Thairs”.
“Look ! There’s the mother, there’s the father and there are the two cubs. Over by the river. They’re looking for small mammals for food”.
“What sort of mammals?” asked the Australian man’s wife, who was wearing a lambskin jacket and an expression of unease.
“Oh beavers, deer, even sheep” replied the guide, noticing both her fear and her fur jacket.
“They’re a bit b-bigger than I thought they’d be” said one traveller, with a nervous giggle.
“They’re a lot b-browner than I thought Thairs were” said someone else.
“Thairs” said the guide, putting on his best David Attenborough voice “have a wide range of fur colours depending on their habitat and diet”.
“Are Thairs aggressive?” said one wildlife watcher who was nervously looking behind himself as though he had spotted something unusual.
“Yes, increasingly so” said the guide.
“It’s all due to tourists invading their habitats. It’s like people invading their home”.
“Ha ha! Get it? Their home, Thair bears…. “
No-one else was amused by the joke.
“Anyway tourists provoke them to attack just by being there”.
“Look out! They’re there!” screeched the rear viewing nature lover.
“Where? Where?” screamed everyone in terrified unison.
“There!” squealed the backward viewer as a hungry family of bears leapt upon the group.
“They’re right …..
There! ….”
-Geoff Milton
