“In the same way that the plain doughnut is the most popular because of the perfect balance between sugar and fat, the (house) auction is the perfect mix of fear and love, the primal emotions that drive all our decision-making.” (1)
This is the considered view of Phil Slade, a Behavioural Economist, who as well as studying doughnuts and auctions, has also worked out what Border Collies can teach high performance work teams and why accountants need skills in couples’ counselling(2).
Let’s put the intricate relationship between the humble doughnut and the house auction under the Short and Humorous microscope and tease out the connections with the help of doughnut marketing expert, Dr. Don Nutt.
S&H: Are there really parallels between buying a house at auction and buying doughnuts?
DN: Absolutely. Fear and love are key to both purchases. For instance, fear of missing out (FOMO) is often the driving force in auctions. The bidding frenzy and fear push bidders to overindulge in an expensive house which bursts the bulging buttons of their budget.
FOMO is important with doughnut purchase too. Imagine going to a doughnut stall at the market and watching the magic dough rings coming out ever so slowly from the deep fryer then being plunged into a bed of sugar and cinnamon before they are scooped into a bag and devoured. Fear of missing out will plague the hesitant buyers like a malarial mosquito bite. They will look around and see everyone else ingurgitating them. They know if they miss buying some now, they will have to suffer eating supermarket doughnuts that are as cold, rubbery and unappetising as a dog’s chew toy. So they buy the fresh warm doughnuts in front of them. And a box for Granny who probably won’t eat more than one, leaving a lot left over.
S&H: Sometimes at house auctions people just seem to give up in despair and walk away. Is that a problem when selling doughnuts?
DN: It’s certainly true that the feeling of unworthiness inhibits some people bidding at house auctions. They may feel they are not worthy to buy a tiny house which is tinier than their friends’ tiny houses. They may feel undeserving of a house with today’s must-have luxury feature: a sweeping staircase so they can slide backwards down the bannister whenever they feel like it, with their friends if they want to.
In contrast, people seldom hesitate when buying doughnuts. They see and smell the doughnuts and imagine the taste and texture and suddenly all concerns about whether they are worthy enough go out the window. They think “Here on the counter in front of me is a little piece of sweet perfection. Sugar, fat, cinnamon and dough in perfect proportion, all for just a dollar or so. Even the never ending circle of the doughnut is perfect”. They imagine they could be transformed into a sweeter, more rounded personality with a central core of inner whole-ness. Some will shake their heads and shuffle away with slumped shoulders and deep sighs, their doctor’s warnings ringing in their ears. Others will break through their inadequacy and health fears and embrace a whole tray of doughnut delight, contemptuous of their cholesterol levels, disdainful of the choking danger.
S&H: Phil Slade also mentioned a desire for success, status and connectedness as prime motivations for buying houses. What about doughnuts?
DN: Buying both houses and doughnuts panders to our love of success and status. When you buy a house at an auction in my hometown, you are publicly applauded by the spectators as a hero of the housing market. You now have status as a winner, you have proved yourself as a capable competitor in the greasy pole hamster wheel of the property ladder.
Similarly, the moment you bite into a hot doughnut your brain pleasure centre screams “Yes! Winner winner chicken dinner! Feed me more!” In the eyes of your doughnut pleasure centre, you have become a huge success. You also achieve status in the eyes of your children or grandchildren for whom you bought some of the doughnuts. For them you become a king or queen right up there with Elvis the King, a noted doughnut fancier (3) or the Queen of doughnut culture in Australia, Melbourne’s Queen Victoria Market.
Securing a house may also bring you a sense of belonging and connectedness with the new neighbourhood. And we all hope this happens for you and yours. But don’t forget your main connection – you will be shackled to mortgage payments for decades, and it will feel more like belonging to a slave-owner and being connected by the threat of foreclosure and eviction.
In comparison, as a doughnut enthusiast you will have many, many opportunities to belong and be connected to others. Doughnut eaters are a warm, all-embracing worldwide club. My home town recently hosted a doughnut festival which featured a doughnut eating competition with the chance to win a year’s worth of hot jam doughnuts (4). Think of how connected you would be if you won! You would become a familiar family member of the doughnut fraternity at the market, as you queued up with them week after week for your next bag of doughy joy, telling doughnut jokes and clapping one another on the back, when you were asphyxiating from doughnut inhalation.
S&H: Thank you for your time Dr Nutt, and to show our appreciation here is a box of my favourite chili and licorice doughnuts for you to enjoy.
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So, like Elizabeth Barrett Browning, let’s “count the ways” house auctions and doughnuts connect:
| HOUSES | DOUGHNUTS |
| Cost a lot of dough | Made of dough |
| Many people can only afford one of them | Many people can afford a whole box of them |
| Without enough dough, you risk missing out on the house forever | Unless you’re completely out of dough, you’ll never miss out |
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© Geoff Milton 2021
(1) Moneymag.com.au.”Auction survival guide” by Phil Slade.
(2) Decida.co “Border Collies” and Moneymag.com.au “Couples’ counselling”.
(3) Elvis.com.au “Lost Elvis donut commercial found”. Elvis was a doughnut enthusiast who only ever endorsed one food product, Southern Maid Donuts from Shreveport, Louisiana.
(4) Travel.nine.com.au “Pull on your stretchy pants because a doughnut festival is headed for Melbourne” .
