As a lifetime consumer of advertising, surely I am as qualified as anyone to claim to be an expert. I have a heap of tips for would be advertisers. I call my tip heap “Badvertising”.
Badvertising Tip No. 1: Use a personality.
Put personalities into your ads for product pizazz. Everyone will remember your ad if it features someone famous or infamous. They may or may not remember what you are selling, but they will remember the ad and that’s the main thing isn’t it? Personality advertising is a two way street. You get a little bit of star quality rubbing off on your product and the personality keeps his or her profile in the public eye. That’s one reason advertising can be irritating. Little bits of it keep getting in your eyes. For example, at the moment George Clooney is advertising those little coffee pods. Does George really drink coffee made from those little plastic pods? You must be joking. But he does the ads to keep his face in front of us week after week, regardless of whether we have seen one of his movies recently. It’s good for the coffee company that George pretends to drink little cups of coffee made from little plastic pods. It is also good for his career. It’s free advertising for him. It’s so good for George he probably pays the advertiser to appear in their ads. Just kidding.
Be warned however that too much personality in an ad can backfire for everyone.
A popular TV ad series in Australia a while ago featured the characters Rhonda and Kertut in a romance that somehow advertised an insurance company. I can’t remember which one. It became a messy problem for the advertiser. The insurance company had become an entertainment company. It was also a problem for Rhonda, who was probably hoping to advertise herself as an actor. Rhonda the ad person became a real person. Regardless of her real name or her screen name, she will always be Rhonda the everywoman romantic to her adoring public. Now, when we see her in a serious acting role we all want to say “Rhonda, what are you doing fooling around with someone other than Kertut?”
Beware of identity theft as a side-effect of Badvertising.
Badvertising Tip No. 2: Mismatch the sponsor with the sponsee.
Sponsoring something like a sporting team is a time honoured advertising strategy. The sponsor gets the product name in front of millions of screaming sports fans. Win-win. But would a mismatch cause an advertising mishap? Not in the world of Badvertising.
One rugby team I know was sponsored by a local homewares and gift retailer. It was a bull in a china shop situation. The rugby players looked like human bulls (which I am sure they would take as a compliment) and the sponsor was a china shop (as well as seller of handbags and perfume). To maximize the mismatch, the gift shop logo was bright pink and the rugby players’ uniforms were dull green, usually spattered with mud. At first I thought the homewares retailer wanted to tap into a new demographic – sports fans who loved the crash and bash of rugby and also liked to buy china, perfume and handbags. But then I saw that it was a sponsorship deal of real genius. Here’s how it worked in my family. My beloved bought something delicate and dainty from the gift shop retailer, complete with bright pink logo on the box. As a rugby fan, I recognised the logo instantly. We each swapped stories about the brand. Brand recognition was cemented. Mission accomplished for the advertiser. A Badvertising triumph.
Here are some other excellent mismatch possibilities.
How about a classical ballet company sponsored by a hamburger chain? A few advertisements featuring super fit, skinny ballet dancers munching on obese five layer burgers would burn the brand into your brain forever.
A chainsaw supplier sponsoring a meditation centre?
A truck manufacturer sponsoring a cycling race?
In the world of Badvertising, any publicity is good publicity, especially if there is a car crash of expectations.
Badvertising Tip No.3: Find an itch and scratch it.
Personally I like what I call haemorrhoid advertising. Direct, to the point and meeting real needs.
The basic ad says
“Got haemorrhoids? Buy H-Cream. Relief guaranteed.”
The ad should show before and after photos of H-Cream users (faces only in case you are worried).
You don’t need to pay George Clooney to advertise haemorrhoid treatments. You just need to target potential buyers who are desperate enough to try anything. Find the itch and scratch it.
I suggest distributing free samples of H-Cream outside the consulting rooms of colo-rectal surgeons.
Hand out the trial packs to people in public places who are scratching their – you know.
Here’s another possibility:
The itch : your ink jet printer often runs out of ink late at night leaving crucial pages of your very important document unprinted.
The scratch: – an expensive magic juice that you squirt into the printer to enable you to print those critical last pages
The ad: “Never run out of printer ink again! Buy Super Juice for four extra pages – guaranteed. Only $95 to save your skin.”
Distribution: sales staff to hang around office supply stores after closing hours to approach desperate looking people banging on the door and sobbing bitterly about printer ink.
Badvertising Tip No. 4: Forget internet advertising.
You might think that advertising on the internet is a sellers’ heaven. It’s not. All sorts of ads pop up on the screen when you do an internet search, and most of them are irrelevant and distracting.
Type in “Leaning Tower of Pisa” and you will get ads for lean beef, apartment towers and pizza deliveries. Internet advertising only works for products or needs that are easy to spell and absolutely unambiguous such as “cat” and “mat”. If you are trying to advertise ventriloquists’ dummies or antique jewellery online, give up now. No-one will ever find you because no-one can spell. Switch to selling cat mats.
Badvertising Tip No.4: Use Chantvertising.
Chanting has a long history in mesmerising and motivating people. Perfect for Badvertising.
Sports fans love to chant to release their pent up patriotism. In Australia at international sporting events, if someone chants “Aussie Aussie Aussie” then the Aussie fans will respond as one with “Oi! Oi! Oi!”. No-one knows what it means, but we all respond automatically because we have been trained to do it from the cradle. The chant just makes us feel good about being Australian, even if it is totally ineffective in terrifying our opponents. Any Australian who did not respond with “Oi! Oi! Oi!” would be regarded as an anarchist intent on ripping up the very fabric of Australian society. To be truly Australian, you must know this chant. It cements our loyalty to brand Australia.
So let’s expand the use of chanting in advertising and call it “chantvertising”. This goes deeper than a mere advertising jingle or slogan. Because it is delivered by confrontation, it will burrow deep into the victims’ subconscious and emerge when shopping. This form of Badvertising requires trained chanting teams who are willing to roam around shopping malls, sporting arenas and concert venues, belt out the chant a dozen times and then quietly disperse before security arrives.
Here are some ideas for Chantvertising chants:
For a new phone:
“Ephone 5! Ephone 6! Ephone 7! Made in heaven!
For Fatuna canned fish:
“Fatuna can! Fatuna can! Can, can Fatuna….!”
Imagine a choir chanting these at say a live theatre performance. Intensely irritating – and unforgettable.
Brilliant Badvertising.
-Geoff Milton
